She Wants A Gentleman

I remember seeing SWAG on my cousin's Facebook page. It stood for "she wants a gentleman," which I thought was funny because her boyfriend looked like a freaky-punk-goth kid.

My roommate's really interested in this guy she met through one of their mutual acquaintances. Apparently they have a lot in common, and she's never had a guy pay so much attention to her so flirt so outlandishly. He gave us a ride to the store last night and when we got to the car he opened the door for both of us. I told him that was great, because a true gentleman doesn't only open the door for his date--he'll open it for his date's friends! But it was a mistake. When we got to the store, he pulled into a parking spot and I started to unbuckle my seat belt. "Wait, stop!" he said. (Shouted, more like.) I felt guilty because I was taught at some point growing up not to unbuckle your seat belt until the car's engine had been turned off, but then he whipped out of the driver's seat and came around the car to open our doors. "Oh no you don't!" I said and I flung my door open before he could reach it. Then we got into the STUPIDEST mini-argument about how he wanted to open my door but I can open it myself thanks God gave me fingers and I wasn't going to sit there waiting for him to come around when I could do it myself and what if there was a fire, I might burn to death. He told me that I wasn't letting him be a gentleman and that all I had to do was wait in the car and that I wasn't giving him the opportunity to serve. What an idiot! I think I really just had a problem with him telling me to STOP when I was letting myself out of the car.

But what thoroughly depressed me is that my roommate sat quietly and facing forward in the passenger seat and waited for him to open the door for her (after our mini-argument) and then quietly said to me "He was just being a gentleman and I like that." I don't ever want to marry someone who won't let me let myself out of the car. That's not being a gentleman, that's being a chauvinist. There are other ways to show respect for women. Enough doors are closed to us and if only men would get out of the way, we could open them.

That Can't Be Right

I was watching Sailor Moon Stars on YouTube. In episode 174 at the 3:40 mark (when the scouts are joining different clubs), Ami prints out a paper and says "Here you go! I downloaded a document from Columbia University library's site concerning space engineering." The nerd who takes it says "Thanks a lot! I'm not very good at English..." Ami must have been banking on that, because what she actually printed were lyrics to "Danger Zone" from the movie "Top Gun."

Almost Boo!ed

A week ago my neighbors put a paper in their window that at a glance looked like a page from a coloring book. I saw there was a ghost drawn on it, anyway.

Then today at the Activities Committee Meeting, one of the co-chairs asked if I'd continue Boo!ing peoples apartments as part of the service sub-committee. I didn't know what she was talking about. She said "Oh, you know, like how you Boo!ed us... right?" and I just looked at her blankly. She explained that someone had left treats on her doorstep with a note saying "Boo! You've been Boo!ed! Hope you enjoy these treats! Now it's your turn... Make some treats and leave them on someone's doorstep with a sign like this. It'll be fun! P.S. - put this in your window so people know you've already been Boo!ed." She said my name was written on the upper-corner. As soon as the meeting was over I went and looked at her kitchen window (she's my next door neighbor). I felt sick and sad when I saw the note and realized that it had been meant for me. Someone tried to do service for me two weeks ago and it had gone astray, to my neighbors. And now I have the assignment to keep Boo!ing people in the ward until it goes around to everybody.

I explained what must have happened (really, who would Boo! someone and write their own name on the note--how full of myself do they think I am?) and asked if I could have the note and I made them a new one. Then I pulled out my box of happy notes from my old ward and found a handwriting match. So one of my well-meaning friends meant to leave me treats. My neighbors said the Oreo brownies were delicious. I know it was a mistake, but I feel really hurt by the confusion, least of all that my friends don't know where I live now, most of all that my neighbors took brownies meant for me (my name was on the note!) and told me just how delicious they were. And now I'm supposed to keep it going.

"One of God's Chosen"

These are excerpts from a letter someone wrote from the MTC following President Monson's announcement that the age requirement for missionary service for women had been lowered from 21 to 19:

"I'm not sure I have ever felt like I was part of a divinely historic moment before, but on Saturday, I did. When President Monson announced that YM could serve at 18, the room exploded with the spirit and we all gasped and had giant grins on our faces. Then, as soon as he said they had thought about the sisters as well, it got absolutely silent. It was amazing. NO ONE expected the age requirement for sisters to drop so drastically. But when they said 19 yrs old, we all stood and cheered. And I don't mean all of us sisters, I mean all 2500 missionaries in the MTC. It was as if the Spirit flooded into the room and God's army did a war cry because we knew that the biggest and the best, the strongest and brightest of God's warriors had just been called to the ranks. I so wish that every person in the world could have felt what we felt and known what we know. This is the beginning of an epic era. The gospel is going forth to the whole world and no one can stop it. God needs the mothers of His children to be return missionaries, and now that is more possible. Since then I have heard comments like "Every girl I know back home is wanting to serve now." and from one return missionary I met at the temple this morning, I heard that all of the Preach My Gospels are sold out at BYU and the Provo Deseret. I got chills up my arms when I heard that, because it meant that it wasn't just an exciting moment, but that the youth are actually taking action.

I am so proud to be one of God's chosen, going forth to make way for the tidal wave of missionaries coming behind me. The missionaries have the truth and the whole world is going to have the chance to hear it."

I made bold the lines I have the biggest concerns about. I'm afraid that in the excitement of the announcement, people might be mistaking their excitement for the Spirit. I don't know that they are, but I think it's possible and something to be wary of. I have talked to girls who decided they would go on a mission without even praying about it because of how they felt when the announcement was made. There's a girl at my work whose friend found a front-row ticket to the Saturday morning session of general conference and gave it to her and so she was there when the Prophet made the announcement and she took it as revelation from God that she's meant to go. And maybe she is? I don't know. But there are many girls who seem to have the idea that they need to go right now, which also isn't true (unless they received revelation that they should, and I don't know if they did or not). It was stressed at the press conference that just because the age has been lowered to 19, not everyone is expected to go--or should go--at 19. You go when you're ready. And you prepare yourself before going so that you can be a more effective missionary. There are many girls who have never prepared for a mission who decided on a whim (however spiritual the whim might have been) to go. Maybe they should begin preparing and then submit their papers, instead of the other way around. But that's my two cents.

And what's this about the "biggest and the best" and "the strongest and the brightest" being called to serve? What, the 19-year-old girls are now better than all those who've gone on before? And what's this about having been "called to the ranks?" NO SISTER IS REQUIRED TO SERVE. This is not a call to serve as it is for the men. This is the opportunity and the invitation to those who are worthy, able, and most importantly to those who have the desire.

God loves when girls serve missions, I'm sure. And I know it will only bless their future families. But to say that "God needs the mothers of His children to be return missionaries" says to me that I shouldn't be having children, God doesn't need me if I haven't served a mission. And that's simply not true. But it's what this sister missionary is preaching.

Not all girls want to serve a mission. There are many who are talking about it and are preparing and are excitedly going forth, and good for them. But there are many of us who do not have that desire, and I feel like a piece of shoe scum by not belonging to the supposed universal gaggle of girls who are now "God's chosen." I guess God didn't pick me?

I don't have the desire to serve a mission, and I never have. I can think of a whole host of reasons why I shouldn't serve or don't want to serve, but ultimately the reason why is I don't have the desire. And that should be okay. I have other righteous desires, like getting married in the temple. But statements like these make me feel like I'm worth less, that I'm inadequate, that there's something wrong with me. I suppose there's a spirit everyone felt that I missed, that I'm not one of God's best, that I'm not a chosen one, that I'm not going to be a good mother since I won't be a returned missionary, that there's something wrong with me since I don't have the desire.

The worst part of all is my roommate posted this on her Facebook where within 2 hours, 23 people "liked" it and two asked if they could re-post it.

To me, the biggest blessing of the change--and perhaps its purpose--is more sisters will be able to serve before marriage. I had two roommates who had a strong desire to serve but met their spouses before they turned 21. Now, girls who are worthy and able and who have the desire will be able to serve missions before marriage. Fewer will have to decide between marriage and a mission because they won't have to wait as long to go (and consequently will have less time to date and find the one they want to marry). Women who have the righteous desire will be able to serve and not have to wait until they're old to go. This will allow for an increase in sister missionaries serving, blessing the world many times over.

I'm trying to ignore what people are saying. They don't mean to be insensitive and I don't think they realize how their words are coming across. Instead, I'm trying to focus on the words of President Monson in general conference and President Holland at the press conference. A mission isn't for everyone. Sisters aren't expected to serve. And just as sisters who don't serve aren't any lesser than those that do, sisters who do serve aren't any better than those that don't.

Boys (or Lack Thereof)

Some time ago a friend was bemoaning her lack of a boyfriend on Valentine's Day. You know the acronym for Single's Awareness Day is SAD, right? So is "Sarah Appreciation Day." Anyway, the other day I was thinking about relationships that don't work out and how often we begin calculating our worth with our dating or marital status as one of the main variables. Why do we do this to ourselves? Let's live lives that don't revolve around whether or not there's a man in them! Sure, I need a guy to be a wife and a mother, but I don't need a guy in order to wake up early, exercise, eat nutritiously, read a good book or write an even better one.