The Best Ideas

I think a lot of our best ideas come to us when we're taking a shower. If more people practiced good hygiene the world would be better twofold. We'd be oh so clean and inspired.

Political Correctness

When did it become okay to bash religion? To make fun of faith? Somewhere along the way we've abandoned gay slurs and racist remarks, but religious intolerance is suddenly popular. I was chatting with a friend when he made some insensitive remarks, beginning with answering the door the moment before the pizza delivery man knocked and mockingly calling it a prompting from God to saying that it's weird that people in Syria say "God is great" when they're fearing for their lives. To an extent we can't help who we are--maybe we're born black or born gay--but wouldn't that make it so much more important when we choose to be a certain way? Why are people so critical of choice? Why are they critical of choosing to believe? If I have faith in God, how dare anyone be contemptuous of what they themselves don't understand.

The Spider That Just Wouldn't Die

I was sleeping with my hand under my pillow when I felt something crawl across my fingers. NO! I thought. It was already morning and there was enough light to see by, so I turned over my pillow and there was a spider crawling across it. Not all of my synapses are firing that soon after sleeping so my first impulse was to try smushing it against my pillow. Using my thumb. Can you believe this didn't work? It just kept crawling along as if I'd attempted to towel off the dog after a bath. I carried my pillow to my dresser where I had a tissue and tried to pick up or pinch the spider; it took me several attempts. I gave it a death-squeeze and carried it to the toilet, where I dropped it in. And looked. It was still alive. I flushed the toilet and it's probably now gleefully swimming around the city sewers and trying to find its way back under my pillow.

It Always Rains

There's a guy I know who has a projector and likes to have outdoor movie nights where he projects the movie on the wall of the building opposite his. The funny thing is that every time he has done this, without fail, it has rained. Tonight was no exception. He put a tarp up in advance preparation, and had an umbrella handy in case if there should be any wind. With 30 minutes left we saw lightning, and right as the climax started it began to pour. He's going to Texas to begin his Ph.D. program in 2 weeks. If he keeps having outdoor movie nights he can end the drought.

Competition

I think two of my greater weaknesses are jealousy and competitiveness. Jealousy is never good, it makes you feel bad about yourself and bad towards others, but sometimes competition can be healthy. Sometimes. Probably not when you're only at 7 appointments when your neighbor makes her 10th and you begin to wonder what's wrong with you. The good news is I ended the night with 11 so I still got a candy bar. The other good news is she's quitting next month. I wish my competition in dating would also quit, but maybe instead I should try to do better and be better myself. Only in the case of setting appointments, we're not competing for individual clients. We call whoever appears on the screen. In the world of dating, most of us are interested in the same guys, which makes it seem okay when you feel bad about yourself for not setting appointments (dates) with them. Especially when your neighbor does.

I Tried to Leave

I was feeling depressed and overwhelmed and inadequate during church today so I got up to leave. My plan was to quietly slip out the back door. It was locked. I was immediately irritated, because if there'd been a fire or a gunman or any kind of emergency we'd only have one escape. My course of action foiled, I was left with two alternatives. One was to stay, which was unbearable. The other was to go out the front. Everyone had already seen me walk up the stairs, and now they got to watch me walk back down and around the chorister (the ideal time to leave is during a hymn, assuming the back is open). Unfortunately I made eye contact with the bishop and he sent Brother and Sister B. from South Africa after me, and they convinced me to stay for the remainder of the meeting. It was awesome to be watched yet again by the entire ward during a talk as I was escorted back inside and seated smack-dab in the middle of the front row so people could stare at the back of my head and wonder what was wrong with me and why my hair was so frizzy. I met with the bishop later and talked for about an hour. He didn't minimize or trivialize the things I've been going through, or draw a stick-figure-me with arrows pointing inwards. Instead he gave me some encouraging advice and I am starting to feel hope for the future. I'm doing a lot better now.

How to Fall in Love

I watched the Hallmark Channel Original Movie World Premiere of "How to Fall in Love" and learned it only takes eight steps! Now we're in business! Or we would be, if I could remember what the eight steps were. Not that I need them, because I'm clearly an expert at relationships. After learning from all the mistakes I've made, how could I not be?

Moolah

Today I got my first paycheck. $84! I'm filthy rich. That more than doubles my bank account. It was also my third day on the phones. My evil blonde arch-nemesis was back. She finished with about 120 dials and 10 appointments. I ended with about 160 dials and 13 appointments. How awesome am I? I got a Kit Kat for getting over 10. My average is still down from hers (she got 10 her first day, while I got 7 and 9 on my first and second, respectively), but if I do better than her on Monday I'll totally be winning. Not that she knows we're in competition. She doesn't even know we're arch-nemeses.