Flop

Institute flopped like a failure fish. There were five of us and no teacher, so we left after about twenty minutes. I hope people show up next week, it's kind of important I attend or else I'll not be able to live in student housing. Though I keep wondering why I'm still here. I think it's because I didn't know where else to go. I feel kind of useless, work-wise. My English degree isn't worth much, what with my lack of experience, and my most meaningful occupation has been at call centers. Why didn't I work in college? I know I felt unqualified for most jobs even then, and the fact of the matter is I'm lazy. I'm sad to admit it. But I sure don't want to stay where I am for too much longer. It's easy, true, but it's also easily frustrating and a waste of my intellect or talent. I think I'm capable of a lot more. I just don't know where to start.

Schedule Change

I changed my work schedule so I can go to FHE and Institute. I start an hour earlier than before, but get off two hours earlier Monday and Wednesday and one hour earlier on Friday. Just in case if I get asked on an 8:00pm date and the time is not negotiable. I suppose if it's any earlier I'll have to decline. I'm just proud of myself for asking for the change because now I might be more social and possibly even more happy.

Thumbtack in my Shoe

My team lead was like "Okay guys! Throw your shoes into the middle of the floor! It's No Shoes Day!" She kicked her foot, sending her flip-flop sailing a few feet to the land in the middle of our aisle of cubicles. Three girls followed suit. I was wearing Converse and bent to untie mine to add to the pile, but I told her I was concerned I might step on a thumbtack and get tetanus. She scoffed at my worries and commanded I remove my shoes, and who was I to argue? About an hour later the staff leader walked by and said "What the heck!" at our pile of shoes but didn't make us put them back on. Another hour later my foot was getting cold so I put my shoes back on. Fast forward to later at night, I'm walking on the sidewalk and my shoe isn't going down flat because there's something stuck to the bottom of it. I'd noticed it intermittently throughout the day but hadn't given it much thought. I got to my sister's apartment and sat down to check the bottom of my shoe and lo and behold! it was a purple star-shaped tack that had been on the wall of my cubicle. At some point during the day I'd stepped on it at work. Luckily it was when my shoes were on and it did not give me tetanus. I just want all you people to know I'm not paranoid, but instead rightfully cautious. These things can happen.

Chips

This doesn't have anything to do with anything, but once I bought a bag of Lay's potato chips and won $20. It was folded with a paper and sealed in plastic, some kind of promotion, I think. But I remember wanting to take the $20 and use it to buy more bags of chips, from which I imagined winning $20 each. In no time I'd be fabulously wealthy. Instead, I bought a few bags of chips and only won $5. So my scheme wasn't the greatest ever. To this day it surprises me that they put cash into the bags. I wonder if they sold all of those chips, or how much money was thrown away with the unsold chips. I would've volunteered to open the leftover bags and remove the money, so I don't think they would've been interested in my offer unless I was donating the money to charity. More likely I would've used to it buy Digimon card booster packs.

Dated

So I'm feeling rather old, being 22 in an apartment with five other girls under the age of 20. I was surprised when one of the moms started chatting to me like a chum. I wanted to say "Hey, treat me like your daughter! I'm still young!" But at that moment her daughter was complaining about how her clothes wouldn't fit in the closet (first world problem) and decided I don't want to be in league with People-Who-Bring-Too-Much-Crap-With-Them-To-College. On the plus side, my room-roommate likes Spider-Man almost as much as I do. I almost died when I saw her bedding was Spider-Man themed. She had a similar reaction when she saw mine. She says it's like destiny. I'm glad destiny is little more than matching a fixation over a fictional character. Oh, and I went on a date last night with one of my coworkers. I didn't know it was a date until my team lead told me he told her that we went on a date. I didn't know it wasn't a secret until then, either. I was hoping everyone at work would discuss my dating activity and shoot me glances and giggles any time Sheep Boy happens to talk to me. My life is made.

Bitter

I realized that I'm filled with this awful bitter resentment towards everything and everyone, most of it undeserved and even that which is deserving shouldn't have gone on for this long. I look at new people and new experiences with distrust or disdain. I pretend it's because I'm mature but I think it's really just because I'm afraid. I'm afraid of making mistakes and being hurt and it's holding me back and has really been a big fat unhealthy part of my life. I want to smile and feel confident about myself and look forward towards to the future, not down at my feet at all the dirt I've collected.

Misfit and Sheep Boy

A few days ago at work I was relocated to the Island of Misfit Toys, officially designated as "The One Who Hates Everything." Next to the annoying girls who say "um" every other word while they're on a call or feel the need to shout everything. Maybe I'm only a buffer from and not a resident of that island. One can only hope. But then there's a guy who was setting a million appointments and I told the girl next to me that it must be because he has a nice voice. And then clients started telling him he was breaking up, so he called my extension to ask my opinion. I said his voice was all soft and nice like a sheep you'd want to fluff, and now he's been labeled "Sheep Boy" by the supervisor and team lead. Oops. He turned around once to say his voice still sounded fuzzy and everyone said "Like a sheep you'd want to cuddle!" I never said that, they're misquoting me. I hope I didn't embarrass him. I'm pretty sure I embarrassed myself.

I Think I'll Live There

Good news! I won't be homeless! I'm going to move across the street to an apartment even more ghetto than my current residence. But I'll be the first one to move in so I'm taking the least-ghetto spot in the least-ghetto room. And I'm going to sneak my bed from this apartment into that one, since I love it so much. Wish I could also move the couches. Wonder if I'd get in trouble for that? They all belong to the complex, as far as I'm concerned, so who cares which couch is in what apartment? I care. And the new tenants won't know what they had, having never had it. Hoohoo.

Ti-erd

I'm tired, which would be spelled tierd if we had any sense. It's been a long day. The billing company for my apartment complex charged me twice for rent and I need to call them tomorrow and accuse them of stealing my money and demand an immediate refund. And I still haven't found a place to live, I am beginning to think people only pretend to be selling their contracts because it makes them feel important.

I Keep Forgetting

So I was sitting around when I remembered a story idea I had last week that I'd forgotten about. It makes me wonder how many stories I forget regularly and how many of them were actually good ideas and how many I'll ever actually finish. If the idea is so forgettable that I don't remember it a week later, maybe it's not worth writing.

I Don't Want to be Homeless

I'm having a really hard time finding a place to live! I would stay where I'm at but I've been here for three years and I need to avoid someone. I wish I had a friend I could move in with because I feel silly staying around here when I'm not a student and my job doesn't pay well. I could live anywhere under these conditions. I could move to Oregon. What am I doing here?

Oh, the Humanity!

It's not quite the Hindenburg disaster, but the candy bar bar has been raised to 15 appointments. On my best day I've gotten 14. Looks like no more free candy for me. Luckily I have a job and make money, so I can buy candy, but still.